I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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