We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
