Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
