haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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