you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
