So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
