Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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