Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
