I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
