Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
