Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
