Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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