there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
