Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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