It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
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I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life