it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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