How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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