Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.