this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.