You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
