I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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