I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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