Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
