I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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