she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
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You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
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You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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