i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
