my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
