Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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