I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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