he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
