apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
