Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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