It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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