i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
