dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
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Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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