Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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