if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
