you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize