Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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