I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
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Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
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I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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