Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
