every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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