i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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