trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
