Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
