Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
