She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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