epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
