If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just blew my weed a kiss
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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