dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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