he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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