Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
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Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
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i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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