lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
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Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
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I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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