Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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