I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
