I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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