Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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