I murdered the dance floor call the cops
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
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We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
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I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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