quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
