My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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