I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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