Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
