There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
FUCK WHALES
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
