I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
