Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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