How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Randomize
