remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
