totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
