Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
