just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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