I accidentally had phone sex last night
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
