nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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