My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
