That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Randomize
