Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
