I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize