apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
