I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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