I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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