I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
