we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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