I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
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Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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