I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
