Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
no you cant smoke seaweed
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
