her vagine was all disorganized.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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