no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
