Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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