So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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